Jealousy Is A Bitch

Two of my friends are looking fitter and more toned recently so i curiously poked around to discover their secret. It seems they have been going bike riding together and one of them has lost 5 pounds in two weeks. 5 pounds! just like that!

needless to say my expensive, almost never touched, silver bike came out of it's hibernation in the shed faster than you could blink. Apart from a few minor tweaks to the seat hight it was in perfect condition. Coming back from this mornings ride felt great (i could feel the burn) and it seemed to have given me extra enery to go jump on my rowing machine.

so, if you want to tone up or lose weight fast i recommend a bike ride.

XoXo

NEW METHODS

today a thought came to me: exactly how many calories would i need to burn to lose 1 pound of fat?

my friend, the internet, says 3500

no wonder everyone says their diets never work! to lose the recommended 2 pounds a week you would have to burn 7000 cals a week
which, when you think about it, is an awful lot to ask from people who eat the "normal" 2000 cals a day

*shudders* eeeeeewwww.

and so i now have a daily goal: to burn at least 500 cals per day
I'll let you know how it goes :D

XxX

OMG please help........

shit.

less than two months till prom.
the back of my dress still doesn't do up by two inches.

shit.

someone help? pretty please????

i need advice, tips, a fasting buddy....anything???

much luv to you all
XoXo

THINSPIRATION

I thought i'd share some thinspo. Searching for some is the only thing that has kept my sane today...remind myself of why i'm doing this to myself, you know?

anyway, here are some poems about living with Ana. I didn't write them, but i can relate.

1
I want to kill myself,
for what I have become.
I want to start all over,
and finally live a life.
I’ve lost control of all my actions,
I don't know where to turn.
Should I end it all?
Or wait it out?
I always do the opposite,
of what I want to do,
and I can’t understand...
Why?

2
They watch us
The ever perfect beings
of heavenly charm and grace
they may see us
but do they know us?

oh Alice
tumbling down your rabbit hole
oh Alice
will we ever reach your goal?

beings full of perfection
don't see the beauty you see
simple vows, nothing more then...
always under observation
eating invisible meals
off of empty plates
and drinking nothing out of glass
isn't it lovely to see things shrink?

oh Alice
tumbling down your rabbit hole
oh Alice
will i ever be as perfect as you?

have i gone too far?
i can't believe in normal any longer
i want to give up
i want to give in
but i'm so close
only inches away
so i'll never give up
i'll never give in
i'm alive, but dead
nothing more
so i want to give up
so i want to give in
Alice, beautiful Alice
what am i to you?
i want to give up
i want to give in
i want to give up
i want to give in
i want to give up
i want to give in
i want to give up
i need to give in

into your hunger
into your way
i'll fight any strife
that will cross my my path
i am yours
now and forever

oh Alice
tumbling down your rabbit hole
oh Alice
can't you see what you do to me?

hold me close
thinspire me to do your will
Alice hold me close
Alice hold me close

oh Alice
tumbling down your rabbit hole
oh Alice
won't you take away my imperfections?

my schedule
so irregular
i'm anything but normal
iv'e sold my soul to you
iv'e given you everything i am
my beautiful angel of pain

oh Alice
tumbling down your rabbit hole
oh Alice
you're all i ever wanted
oh Alice
spiraling out of control
oh Alice
i see how wrong i am
oh Alice
i want to live again
oh Alice
iv'e fallen out of control
fallen for freedom

oh Alice
take me back


3
I'm not starving myself,
I'm perfecting my emptiness.
And no feeling of substance inside myself
Can compare to the feeling of lonliness.

4
Happy or sad,
Rich or poor,
It's better being thin.
The only freedon left is the freedom to starve,
And time spent wasting
Is not wasted time.
Calories can't make you happy,
And it's the mind that makes the body.
Besides,
Thin is in.

5
Hunger hurts,
but starving works,
And hearts live to be wounded.
Craving is only a feeling
Cause pain is only as real as I want it to be.

6
Beautiful bones:
I won't stop
Until I see pure bones.
I see this is the only way to reach the top.
Goddess of willpower.
Though now I'm so weak,
I'm not weak-minded.
Remember:
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels
Nothing,
Period.

Elation, Disgust + A New Goal

At the beginning of next month our school is holding a disco for the two youngest years (7 +8) and us seniors (year 11) involved in the Drama department have been asked to chaperone the event if we want to go on tour next year (performing a play in various different venues abroad). The theme of the disco is movie fancy dress.

And so it only seemed fitting that because of my little obsession i should go as Marie Antoinette. I found the perfect dress. It's absolutely gorgeous. I fell in love with it at first sight and decided to buy it even though it cost well over £100.

I tried it on and only then realised on fatal flaw with my dream costume.

The corset nipped my waist beautifully, the mask was heavenly, the gold side sections of the dress were gorgeous.......and then my eyes fell upon my legs.

I have always hated my legs. They are fat, stumpy, unshapely and deathly white.

Even though the skin colour would be very appropriate as i am very pale and Marie Antoinette had alabaster skin, all i could focuse on was the hideousness of my legs that was revealed all too well by the thigh length cut of the dress.

And so today starts my new short term goal: to have thinner legs by April 1st.
My fast starts tommorrow. My extra exercise starts right now.

And so i will probably be updating later tonight to let you know the details.

wish me luck :D
XoXo

yay!!!

As i made my weekly complete cleanout of my bedroom I found a back issue of Glamour magazine lurking under my bed. Intrigued, i started to re-read it when i spotted an article about women that had started new diets.

one woman claimed that throwing out her "fat clothes" spurred her on with her diet as she knew she did not have any more baggy clothes to hide behind, and so i decided that since i also needed some motivation to keep going i decided to detox my wardrobe also.

And so now my wardrobe is half empty and my motivation is stronger than ever thanks to the fact that i found some jeans (size 14) that i couldn't have got one leg into a month ago, but they now slip quite happily up to my hips (even if they don't do up just yet.)

XOXO

IN THE BEGINNING

So this is it. The start of my journey, my mission to become thin and gorgeous.

MAYBE IF I DO SOMEONE WILL FINALLY FIND ME ATTRACTIVE
not that i blame them in any way...
who would want a lump of lard as a girlfriend???

Buying my prom dress felt like one of the happiest ever moments...that is until i got it home and realised it was in fact American and a whole two sizes two small for my size 16-18 overweight torso. I have two months to drop two dress sizes. And so i bought a rowing machine and have praised a bout of tonsilitus (extreme sore throat) for coming to life at exactly this moment and thus giving me an excuse for my first ever cut down on food.

CALORIES CONSUMED:
1 bowl of cheerios with semi-kimmed milk (200)
1 packet of tesco instant pasta with less than 1% fat (265)
1 bread roll (100)

all in all i am pleased with myself (apart from the bread) but will strive to improve tommorrow.
maybe even start the 2468 (200 cals consumed on the first day, 400 on the second...ect) diet like i have been meaning to since two days ago.

wish me luck
please leave comments? :D
XOXO